Lo' Ho' "Learning To Be OK"

"I'm finding peace deep within me and my firecrotch"


'Friends' of skank-bag loser, Lindsay Lohan have reported to Celeb TV that the Lo' Ho's first week in rehab has been good.

"She's learning to be OK with herself", said one hanger on.

"And she's at peace with her surroundings," they concluded.

Rehab can be a great tonic to any addict in total meltdown, but it's putting what you learn into practice when you leave Linds.

We at The Trash Heap... wonder if Lo' Ho' will be able to go through with the radicalisation that rehab demands of addicts once back in the outside
world.

Linds will be expected to change all of her 'friends' and turn her back on the lifestyle she once knew.

"Peace out and all that shit!"

"There are no half measures with rehab recovery. It has to be a complete turnaround," says one mental health worker to The Trash Heap...

We can't help but wonder if this complete turnaround means Lo' Ho' has to cut out her kur-ray-zee Mom, Deena Lohan too? Rumours and scandal are rife in Hollywood that Linds' mother has done nothing to help her daughter with her addictions. If anything, gossip suggests Deena's all but fuelled them, being a wild party freak herself.

Shirley's Best Wishes For Lo' Ho'

"Get better soon bitch, or else!"

Veteran actress, Shirley MacLaine has just issued a joint statement with producer, Rob Hickman regarding the Lo' Ho's stint in rehab.

Linds was due to start filming the movie, "Poor Things" this week, also starring MacLaine.

Due to her admittance to the Promises Rehabilitation Centre in Malibu, California on Tuesday a shadow had been cast over whether or not La Lohan could partake in the filming.

"I'm tellin' yo bi'atch. If you don't get better I'll whoop yo' ass!"




After reading the statement by MacLaine and Hickman, all seems well and set for Lo' Ho' to commence work on the project, albeit after her 30 day rehab detention.

The statement reads, "In the spirit of helping Lindsay Lohan and her rehabilitation, we have been asked by Lindsay to comply with her wishes to continue working on "Poor Things." We are trying to rearrange the shooting schedule to facilitate her working at the end of the shoot to coincide with the completion of her rehabilitation. We wish her love and the blending of mind, body and spirit."

Ah, bless. Can you feel the love?

"Must sleep. So tired... Hey, got coke!?!"

First Pic Of Lo' Ho' In Rehab

"I make a promise to myself to always behave, be as good as an elf"

The Trash Heap... can exclusively bring you this first picture of Lindsay Lohan entering the Promises Rehab Centre in Malibu, California.

Lo' Ho' supposedly checked herself in following her drugs bust car crash, and subsequent arrest earlier on Saturday.

She is to complete a 30 day programme of rehabilitation. This will mean the scheduled filming of her latest movie, Poor Things co-starring Hollywood acting veteran Shirley McLaine will have to be juggled around to accommodate her. Filming is still said to be going ahead on time, it will just be those scenes that do not require Lo' Ho' on set.

Personally, while I do genuinely hope (despite earlier crass comments) Linds is genuinely going to be successful at rehab I am very sceptical of her motivations. I have doubts as to whether she's doing it for her health or if she's doing it to show willing for the judge. If I were Lo' Ho' facing drug, under age drinking and driving while intoxicated charges I'd sure as hell be doing all I could to sweeten up the court.

Official: Lo' Ho' Hits Rehab!

"I just can't help myself! Hmmmm, yummy!"

In the last few minutes a representative for Hollywood Skank-basket and part-time actress/pop singer, Lindsay Lohan has issued our friends at TMZ with the following statement....

"Lindsay admitted herself to an intensive medical rehabilitation facility on Memorial Day. Because this is a medical matter, it is our hope that the press will appreciate the seriousness of the situation and respect the privacy of Lindsay as well as the other patients receiving treatment at the facility."

About fucking time, if you ask us! The Lo' Ho' has been spiralling out of control for months now, second only to Britney's train wreck of a life.

We do wish Linds all the best etc...etc.... *wank* *wank*, but we have a feeling here at The Trash Heap... that this story has many more legs in it yet. After all, there's the obligatory successful completion of rehab only to relapse etc... We await further carnage to fulfill our sad, pathetic loser lives.

"Hey kids, got coke?"

Lo' Ho' To Serve Time

"If I Show You My Fun Bags, Will You Buy Me (a) Coke?"

Celebratard, uninsurable actress, washed up pop flop, all round skank. These are just some of the words used to describe the woman fast becoming everyone's favorite train wreck after Britney.

Yes, Lindsay Lohan, or Lo' Ho' as we at The Trash Heap.. affectionately know her by, may be facing time in the Big House thanks to her recent drugs bust.

Police recovered a "usable amount" of cocaine from her car after she had an accident in Beverly Hills on Saturday.

Police tracked Linds to a local hospital following her crash, where she was receiving treatment for minor chest injuries. She was arrested.

"An illegal amount of narcotic tentatively identified as cocaine was recovered and booked, " said Police Lt. Mitch McCann.
"No one can top *my* fun bags!"

Should Lohan be found guilty of possessing cocaine she may face up to 12 months in prison, speculators say.

Lohan's recent spate of wild behavior in and around Hollywood have led many industry insiders to feel her acting career is all but over. Drunk driving, drug usage, anti-social behavior are making film studios nervous about insuring her. If she can't get insured on a film, she can't work.


Her recent flop, Georgia Rule, co-starring acting veteran Jane Fonda has been a massive flop state-side. This does not help her employability and acting stock one bit.

Personally, I love a good train wreck, sick fuck that I am. Let her have it is what I say. OK, she may only be on the cusp of 21 but bi'atch needs to learn some life lessons.

"Do I make you horny, baby?"