Posh Serves Nosh

"Doctor says I need my iron."



Seems that our favorite Euro-trash, Venereal Buttox and hen-pecked hubby, David Beckham are in talks with foul mouthed 'sleb chef, Gordon Ramsey over opening up a restaurant together. Yeh, we know! We'll come to the irony about VB and food later...


Gordy says about the venture, " We've been friends for a while and have spoken about it. There's always been something in the pipeline."

Sources report that Brand Beckham are thinking of choosing LA as their place of choice for the eatery. However, it strikes us there are several problems that pose Ms. Thang, Gordy, oh, and yeh her tag along hen-pecked husband.

• Venereal aint' a good ad. for a place to eat. You could play xylophone on her rib cage, and do you people know how difficult it is to find a pic of her actually eating something!?!
  
  
• Gordy's NYC restaurant was panned by snooty critics and to date it ain't doin' so well. What makes him think it'll be any better in LA?
  

• There isn't a "3" as such, but we just wanted to draw your attention to this sexeth photo of Dave. Homoerotic-cum-tastic or what!? OK, it's an old pic, but it never gets old if you see what we mean?
  

Reports further suggest that The Plastic Lamp Post herself has demanded Ramsey ensure 75% of the menu is vegetarian. While we're sure PETA are just scrambling to sign her up for one of their nude campaigns (*wretch*), Gordy won't take kindly to non-meat eaters. A vegetarian is every professional chef's worst nightmare. They just don't "get it".

I don't know about you, but I'd love to see Brand Beckham join forces with Ramsey, open up this restaurant and then we can all sit back and watch it die on its arse as the critics (and public) turn their nose up to it in droves. I'd also love to see pics of Venereal actually eating something from her own restaurant. It'd be an international scandal!

"I'll gut you like a malnourished fish, witch!"

Becks Is A Tight Wad!

"I'm all lubed up and ready to go!"



Football fitness, David Beckham has scoffed at claims he has spent a small fortune on his various hair styles over the years.



The multi-millionaire LA Galaxy soccer star is famed for his ever diversifying look, and has influenced almost every major male hairstyle in fashion over the last decade.

Hen-pecked Becks says, " "My friend does my haircuts. That's one thing that's been said over the years, that I've paid like five grand for a haircut. And I'm like: 'Seriously, my mate does it for free.'"


And don't we know it, Davey babes. Looking back over some of your, er..."styles" makes us realise that no professional hairdresser would ever put their name to them!















"Tragedy! When the feeling's gone and you can't go on!"

Eh-Oh! Queer Teletubby Bashing Surges in Poland!

Has Anyone Seen My Pussy?

Well, it appears tolerance and (dare we say it!?) acceptance (*gasp!*) are not so forthcoming in the former Nazi occupied Poland. Or at least that's how it seems when we look to senior Polish official, Ewa Sowinska for guidance. Sow (as we'll lovingly crown her) is the the country's spokesperson for Children's Rights, and she has ordered psychologists to investigate as to whether or not the BBC's Teletubbies programme promotes a homosexual lifestyle. How simply faaaag-ulous of her!

Sow went and singled out handbag loving Tinky Winky (pictured, holding back the tears of discrimination), stating, "I noticed he was carrying a woman's handbag.... At first, I didn't realise he was a boy." Wow. Did she like, you know, take Gender Studies at Uni or something? Huh-huh. Huh-huh. Huhuhuhuh.

Tinky Winky, no stranger to homosexualist slurs and abuse in the British press declined to comment directly at this present time. However, a spokesperson for the Teletubbies did issues the following statement:

"Eh-oh!"

Nice.

Open minded as ever, Sow merely represents the Polish administration as a whole in the eyes of the EU, who have openly criticised Poland's government policy towards homosexuals. Authorities have recently initiated a series of moves to outlaw (and potentially sack) any teacher found to be "promoting" homosexuality.

Yaaaawn! This is all so 30 years ago! Still, not so long ago was Section 28 (the UK legislation introduced by Iron Hag, Maggie Thatcher) abolished. However, it seems Poland has some way to go before they reach such enlightenment, especially if they're just at the point of bringing in the legislation (it took 20+ years to abolish it in England!!!!).

Further EU pressure was mounted on Poland last month when the union singled out the Catholic nation for criticism in condemning homophobia in the 27 member bloc. You go EU! You whip their bad ass! Woo! Yeh! You like it like that, don't 'cha bi'atch!

Bless the EU. So effective. Just look at Iraq.