Winehouse Quits Music?!?

"Screw you guys, I'm goin' home too!"


Mega talented soul singer, Amy Winehouse today revealed she has plans to quit the music biz.....for motherhood!!!

The alcohol and drug loving singer said, "I don't want to be ungrateful. I know I'm talented, but I wasn't put here to sing. I was put here to be a wife and a mom and look after my family."

Was she fucked off her face at the time? Amy, love you were put here to sing the blues! You are the blues! How can you even consider quitting? Can't you do both music and motherhood!?
"I wanna have your babies."

Amy continues, "I'm a caretaker and I want to enjoy myself and spend time with my husband... Blake and I didn't get to spend any time together for a long time."

We fear the influence of luuuurve is smiting her blues mentality and maybe clogging her creative juices. Amy wed long term partner, Blake Fielder-Civil in a Miami ceremony earlier this month.

If this news wasn't bad enough, Amy goes on to undersell her talent even further by saying, "I've done a couple of albums I'm really proud of and that's about it".

*Gasp!*

Well, we at The Trash Heap... are flabbergasted. It seems everyone's quitting something this week. If it ain't LA, it's music and if it ain't music it's drugs and alcohol. If things carry on like this there will be nothing to write about! *sniff!*

Posh Quits LA!

"Screw you guys, I'm goin' home!"

White-trash done good, Victoria Beckham has sent shock waves through the production of her latest reality TV series by quitting for a return to Blighty.

Victoria, real name Venereal Buttox told producers that she would not miss hen-pecked hubby, David Beckham's triumphant return soccer match for England later this week.

VB got into a wrangle with producers of her multi-million pound reality show when they insisted she stay in LA this week to complete filming. This would mean missing David's first England match since he dramatically resigned as Captain and was then ditched from the squad.

The decision is set to cost the Queen WAG in excess of £10 million ($20 million).

A source says, "It's a real sacrifice for her as the TV series was a great launch-pad for her career over there. But there is absolutely no way she'd have sacrificed being there to spur him on... just to do a TV show - regardless of how much it would help her profile in the US."

"She told producers she was not going to miss David's England
"Outta my way! Queen B comin' thro!"


game and they seemed unwilling to compromise".

A spokeswoman for the self-loving pop flop added, "Victoria has had great fun filming the show. However, the schedule was incredibly tight and it is up to the network what happens next."

Well, maybe we at The Trash Heap... got her all wrong. Here we were thinking she is a completely self absorbed bi'atch, but it seems she's willing to put her under the thumb, and more successful husband first on occasion.

You stand by your man, girl!

Posh Serves Nosh

"Doctor says I need my iron."



Seems that our favorite Euro-trash, Venereal Buttox and hen-pecked hubby, David Beckham are in talks with foul mouthed 'sleb chef, Gordon Ramsey over opening up a restaurant together. Yeh, we know! We'll come to the irony about VB and food later...


Gordy says about the venture, " We've been friends for a while and have spoken about it. There's always been something in the pipeline."

Sources report that Brand Beckham are thinking of choosing LA as their place of choice for the eatery. However, it strikes us there are several problems that pose Ms. Thang, Gordy, oh, and yeh her tag along hen-pecked husband.

• Venereal aint' a good ad. for a place to eat. You could play xylophone on her rib cage, and do you people know how difficult it is to find a pic of her actually eating something!?!
  
  
• Gordy's NYC restaurant was panned by snooty critics and to date it ain't doin' so well. What makes him think it'll be any better in LA?
  

• There isn't a "3" as such, but we just wanted to draw your attention to this sexeth photo of Dave. Homoerotic-cum-tastic or what!? OK, it's an old pic, but it never gets old if you see what we mean?
  

Reports further suggest that The Plastic Lamp Post herself has demanded Ramsey ensure 75% of the menu is vegetarian. While we're sure PETA are just scrambling to sign her up for one of their nude campaigns (*wretch*), Gordy won't take kindly to non-meat eaters. A vegetarian is every professional chef's worst nightmare. They just don't "get it".

I don't know about you, but I'd love to see Brand Beckham join forces with Ramsey, open up this restaurant and then we can all sit back and watch it die on its arse as the critics (and public) turn their nose up to it in droves. I'd also love to see pics of Venereal actually eating something from her own restaurant. It'd be an international scandal!

"I'll gut you like a malnourished fish, witch!"

Shirley's Best Wishes For Lo' Ho'

"Get better soon bitch, or else!"

Veteran actress, Shirley MacLaine has just issued a joint statement with producer, Rob Hickman regarding the Lo' Ho's stint in rehab.

Linds was due to start filming the movie, "Poor Things" this week, also starring MacLaine.

Due to her admittance to the Promises Rehabilitation Centre in Malibu, California on Tuesday a shadow had been cast over whether or not La Lohan could partake in the filming.

"I'm tellin' yo bi'atch. If you don't get better I'll whoop yo' ass!"




After reading the statement by MacLaine and Hickman, all seems well and set for Lo' Ho' to commence work on the project, albeit after her 30 day rehab detention.

The statement reads, "In the spirit of helping Lindsay Lohan and her rehabilitation, we have been asked by Lindsay to comply with her wishes to continue working on "Poor Things." We are trying to rearrange the shooting schedule to facilitate her working at the end of the shoot to coincide with the completion of her rehabilitation. We wish her love and the blending of mind, body and spirit."

Ah, bless. Can you feel the love?

"Must sleep. So tired... Hey, got coke!?!"

Fuck Off, Jerry Hall!

"I'm so desperate. Look, here's my tit!"

Fame hungry ex-supermodel, Janice Dickinson has lashed out at former catwalk rival, Jerry Hall.

In what appears to be a re-fuelling of an old fight she had with Hall back in the 70's (when she was like, 39 or something), Dickinson said, "Jerry hated me, but she can fuck off and die."

Quite.

The America's Next Top Model judge continued, "No one scares me. I tossed Mick out after eight months because I didn't want to move to London. It was my choice, not a matter of him choosing Jerry over me."

Well, no one may scary you Jan, darling, but you scare us! After watching you make a total arse out of yourself the other week on Friday Night With Jonathan Ross, and then hoikin' your skirt to flash everyone your scraggy, saggy pins (I vommed at the time), we sure hope you don't come back for a visit to Blighty anytime soon.




We love Jerry Hall. She isn't some classless old skank like you. You're everything we hate about America; arrogant, loud, brash, classless, common as muck and generally just really dumb.



Fuck off and die, Janice Dickinson!









"I'm a beautiful person."