Posh Walks Out On NBC: THE REAL TRUTH!

"It was my get out of jail free card, m'kay!?"


Sources at NBC, the network behind Posh's £10 million reality TV series she walked out on earlier today, say that all Vicki is doing is trying to save face in the midst of a pending PR disaster.


NBC executives are allegedly "very nervous" about the pending show, citing recent media coverage that is less than complimentary towards the ex-Spice Girl. They are worried the American public just won't like her. Additionally, all of her 'sleb friends are refusing to appear on camera with her, making each episode a bit, er... "dull".


Anticipating the reality projecting being dumped and shelved, Posh is using hen-pecked hubby, David Beckham's return match for England this week as an excuse to walk. A simple case of jumping before being pushed, we think.


By making out Venereal is doing it all for her man and family, she not only comes up smelling of roses but she avoids the public embarrassment of her carefully planned career launch stateside falling down around her.


We bet Jordan's laughing her sizable tits off at this. In contrast, she and pop-flop hubby, Peter Andre are doing rather well in the US.

Posh Quits LA!

"Screw you guys, I'm goin' home!"

White-trash done good, Victoria Beckham has sent shock waves through the production of her latest reality TV series by quitting for a return to Blighty.

Victoria, real name Venereal Buttox told producers that she would not miss hen-pecked hubby, David Beckham's triumphant return soccer match for England later this week.

VB got into a wrangle with producers of her multi-million pound reality show when they insisted she stay in LA this week to complete filming. This would mean missing David's first England match since he dramatically resigned as Captain and was then ditched from the squad.

The decision is set to cost the Queen WAG in excess of £10 million ($20 million).

A source says, "It's a real sacrifice for her as the TV series was a great launch-pad for her career over there. But there is absolutely no way she'd have sacrificed being there to spur him on... just to do a TV show - regardless of how much it would help her profile in the US."

"She told producers she was not going to miss David's England
"Outta my way! Queen B comin' thro!"


game and they seemed unwilling to compromise".

A spokeswoman for the self-loving pop flop added, "Victoria has had great fun filming the show. However, the schedule was incredibly tight and it is up to the network what happens next."

Well, maybe we at The Trash Heap... got her all wrong. Here we were thinking she is a completely self absorbed bi'atch, but it seems she's willing to put her under the thumb, and more successful husband first on occasion.

You stand by your man, girl!

Posh Serves Nosh

"Doctor says I need my iron."



Seems that our favorite Euro-trash, Venereal Buttox and hen-pecked hubby, David Beckham are in talks with foul mouthed 'sleb chef, Gordon Ramsey over opening up a restaurant together. Yeh, we know! We'll come to the irony about VB and food later...


Gordy says about the venture, " We've been friends for a while and have spoken about it. There's always been something in the pipeline."

Sources report that Brand Beckham are thinking of choosing LA as their place of choice for the eatery. However, it strikes us there are several problems that pose Ms. Thang, Gordy, oh, and yeh her tag along hen-pecked husband.

• Venereal aint' a good ad. for a place to eat. You could play xylophone on her rib cage, and do you people know how difficult it is to find a pic of her actually eating something!?!
  
  
• Gordy's NYC restaurant was panned by snooty critics and to date it ain't doin' so well. What makes him think it'll be any better in LA?
  

• There isn't a "3" as such, but we just wanted to draw your attention to this sexeth photo of Dave. Homoerotic-cum-tastic or what!? OK, it's an old pic, but it never gets old if you see what we mean?
  

Reports further suggest that The Plastic Lamp Post herself has demanded Ramsey ensure 75% of the menu is vegetarian. While we're sure PETA are just scrambling to sign her up for one of their nude campaigns (*wretch*), Gordy won't take kindly to non-meat eaters. A vegetarian is every professional chef's worst nightmare. They just don't "get it".

I don't know about you, but I'd love to see Brand Beckham join forces with Ramsey, open up this restaurant and then we can all sit back and watch it die on its arse as the critics (and public) turn their nose up to it in droves. I'd also love to see pics of Venereal actually eating something from her own restaurant. It'd be an international scandal!

"I'll gut you like a malnourished fish, witch!"

Becks Is A Tight Wad!

"I'm all lubed up and ready to go!"



Football fitness, David Beckham has scoffed at claims he has spent a small fortune on his various hair styles over the years.



The multi-millionaire LA Galaxy soccer star is famed for his ever diversifying look, and has influenced almost every major male hairstyle in fashion over the last decade.

Hen-pecked Becks says, " "My friend does my haircuts. That's one thing that's been said over the years, that I've paid like five grand for a haircut. And I'm like: 'Seriously, my mate does it for free.'"


And don't we know it, Davey babes. Looking back over some of your, er..."styles" makes us realise that no professional hairdresser would ever put their name to them!















"Tragedy! When the feeling's gone and you can't go on!"

Old Hag Slags Online Bloggers

"I've peaked and now life's just an never ending downward spiral."

Queen WAG and washed up pop-flop, Victoria Beckham has come out fighting against the celebrity bloggers.

VB (Venerial Buttoxs), recently expressed, "I think these people are pretty spineless, the way they hide behind pseudonames."

Er, it's "pseudonyms" you stupid bitch!

She continues, "They don't really know what's going on in anybody's lives. They're just sad people sat behind their computers."

While we can't disagree with the "sad people" bit, the rest is just stale jizz spewing from her overly collagened lips.

"Don't come too close with that flashlight. My face may melt!"

Vicky, luv, word of advice, print media is dieing. Without online celebrity bloggers you wouldn't have the fame and notoriety you so desperately cling to. If we don't talk about you, who will?

Oh, and while we're on the subject what the fuck is going on with that hair colour and those shoulder pads!? Eeeew!

Mind you, we're hardly surprised. We wrongly assumed it may take a while to get a bad pic of you, but hey, whaddaya know? We were wrong!