Winehouse Quits Music?!?

"Screw you guys, I'm goin' home too!"


Mega talented soul singer, Amy Winehouse today revealed she has plans to quit the music biz.....for motherhood!!!

The alcohol and drug loving singer said, "I don't want to be ungrateful. I know I'm talented, but I wasn't put here to sing. I was put here to be a wife and a mom and look after my family."

Was she fucked off her face at the time? Amy, love you were put here to sing the blues! You are the blues! How can you even consider quitting? Can't you do both music and motherhood!?
"I wanna have your babies."

Amy continues, "I'm a caretaker and I want to enjoy myself and spend time with my husband... Blake and I didn't get to spend any time together for a long time."

We fear the influence of luuuurve is smiting her blues mentality and maybe clogging her creative juices. Amy wed long term partner, Blake Fielder-Civil in a Miami ceremony earlier this month.

If this news wasn't bad enough, Amy goes on to undersell her talent even further by saying, "I've done a couple of albums I'm really proud of and that's about it".

*Gasp!*

Well, we at The Trash Heap... are flabbergasted. It seems everyone's quitting something this week. If it ain't LA, it's music and if it ain't music it's drugs and alcohol. If things carry on like this there will be nothing to write about! *sniff!*

Young Girl Divorces Father Figure

"Keep your money, you Ginger Whinger!"

Fave couple Chris Evans and Billie Piper have finally been granted a divorce, 3 years after having separated.

Popular actress, Piper (25) was 17 years Evans' junior when they first wed.

Media mogul, Evans famously seduced Piper by buying her a Ferrari filled with red rose petals, despite the fact that she could not drive at the time.

The couple met on Evans' now defunct show, TFI Friday in 2001 and married only 5 months later in Vegas at a whopping cost of just £250.

Many sceptics believed their marriage would fail (and they were right!!!), but it has been clear to see these two had a very good relationship up until their separation in 2004. Even now, Chris and Billie are seen to be very close friends.

Billie feels so much affection for her estranged hubby that she's even declare she won't pursue a claim for any money or possessions during their marriage.

Evans is thought to be worth almost £100 million, but Billie was never in it for the money. We suspect she needed a father figure at the time, but hey, who knows!?

Piper is a two times BAFTA award winning actress, and is most famous for her role as Rose Tyler in Doctor Who alongside Christopher Eccleston and now David Tennant. Piper left the series last year in an emotional storyline. She has since gone on to star in acclaimed dramas, "Jane Austin's 'Mansfield Park'" and the Phillip Pullman adaptation, "The Ruby In The Smoke".

Evans is currently riding high with his popular BBC Radio 2 show for which he has won 2 Sony Awards, but hey, let's face it - he hardly needs the work with the dosh he's got in the bank.

We at The Trash Heap... wish Billie and Chris all the best for their future and hope they have a speedy divorce.

Ex-Blue Singer Wants To Make Music With Johansson

"Hey, Scar, let's make some mocha babies!"

Wow, all the washed up singers are crawling outta the wood work tonight! Ex Blue singer, and solo flop, Simon Webbe wants to team up with Scarlet Johansson for a duet.

Simon says, "She's got a great image and voice. I think we'd blend very well."

Yeh, right. We suspect the only blending you wanna do there Si is with your peen and Scar's Lady Tardis. One thing we will say is that you two would have the most beautiful children!

Aaaaw.

Mika Stalked By Hilton!

#"Everybody's gonna love this gay!"#

We at The Trash Heap... have been following what can only be described as obsessive behaviour in the form of renowned 'sleb blogger, Perez Hilton.

Hilton, famously known for lampooning celebratards on his daily blog (he's our hero and inspiration!) has been plugging popster, Mika on his blog for some months now. However, it appears Hilton is trying to plug Mika in more ways than one!

Hilton's readership seem to not care for Mika the way Perez does. In fact, they are down right vile about him. Comments such as, "He looks really retarded, and extremely unattractive", along with "Skinny nerd...singing bad falsetto" is just a snippet of the regular tirade aimed at Mika by Hilton fans.

All this venom from his readers, yet Perez continues to plug and plug and plug Mika. We have to ask, what's the deal?

Rumours are rife surrounding Mika's sexuality. Many believe the UK singer to be gay. Hilton has never hidden his own sexuality. A self professed out and proud latino, we suspect Perez has the hots for Mika.

We know the two have definitely met. One can only wonder how hot things got when they got down and dirrtty in the mosh pit of luuuurve!

You go for it Perez. We just wanna see you happy. Like Britney. *cough*