Danielle Gets Snubbed!

"Is it coz I iz a model?"


While we may be having to neck the beta-blockers over Kelly Osbourne's threat to return to music, we can at least breathe a sigh of relief that no such fate will befall us with former disgraced Ms. United Kingdom, Danielle Lloyd.


The glamour model, famed for dating some vacant footballer and then bedding an entire team at the same time (or something like that...I suspect...allegedly...*cough*), expressed her surprise at not being able to land a record deal.

Here, we help to translate her scouse drawl into comprehensible English for the majority of our readers...

Dani says, "I have recorded a collection of tracks that are my best to date."

Translation, "I went out on the piss last Saturday, got totally wasted, muuurdered a few Celiiiiine classics on the ol' karaoke and me mates recorded it on their
"Ooops! I did I whoopsie!"

mobile phones. Then we had chips and I vommed all over me white stillies! Top night!"

She continues, "I can't understand why record companies are being so reluctant..."

Translation, "I can't spell my own name."

Lastly, Dani asserts she may be a victim of discrimination, "...is it because I'm a model?"

Translation, "No, it's because you're skankier than the skankiest of skank-bags and can't even speak properly, let alone sing!"

Oh, wait. That last bit was more of a reply, wasn't it.